Letter to Monsanto Company

The letter that I wrote to the Monsanto Company was very difficult for me to write about. I read “Savage Inequalities” by Jonathan Kozol and researched about the company and the area of East St. Louis, but I had trouble finding sources that proved my argument. There were many articles about how poorly East St. Louis is economically but I had trouble finding accurate articles about the Monsanto Company and how they supposedly do not pay their taxes according to Jonathan Kozol.
The thesis of my paper is “The first step in improving East St. Louis would be for the Monsanto Company to move to a different location so that they city can try and get back on its feet.” My plan for this thesis would be to give reasons why the Monsanto Company is harming East St. Louis. I wanted to also incorporate the terrible living situations in East St. Louis to prove that the people of East St. Louis don’t deserve to have to deal with the Company’s problems and then their other problems such as crime, murder, and rape.
I had some issues bringing my paper together. In the first paragraph I quote an article by Hornblower, but I did not introduce it very well so it seemed out of place. I had this same issue with a few of my other quotes. I also may have confused my reader by quoting different articles and then not thoroughly explaining them after I did. When a quote is not properly introduced and the explained afterward it loses its purpose in papers.
The comments made by Miss Tirey were very accurate. They were just telling me that I need to improve my quotes and the placement of them. I lost points on my content because my paper did not come together very well and I lost points because of my sources. I know that next time I will focus on the sources that I use so that I don’t make the same mistake twice. I also need to improve my transition sentences in between paragraphs to make my point.
The parts of my paper that were very well done were my grammar, sentence structure and style, and organization. I made sure that I re read my paper after I wrote it and spell checked it so that I would not lose easy points in the grammar category. My sentences were not awkward, it was just that some of my paragraphs did not connect together well so I did not lose points in the sentence structure and style category. My organization was clear because my thesis was properly placed, I had good topic sentences for each paragraph, and my introduction and conclusion were effective.
I learned a lot from writing my letter to the Monsanto Company. I learned that I need to use better transition and to properly introduce and explain quotes. The comments by Miss Tirey were very helpful and very accurate for my paper. Overall I had much strength to my paper but I also need a lot of improvement for my next paper.