Growing up in East Saint Louis

Growing up in East Saint Louis has been a constant struggle for my family and I. Just getting by each day is a challenge within itself. I am currently 10 years old and have three younger brothers and an older sister. After my mom got raped and killed we were left alone with my father who is rarely home because he has to work all day and often late into the night. It is scary being left alone at home and since I am one of the oldest children in my family, I have to help take care of my brothers. It is especially scary at night and there are a lot of murders. We never leave the house once it gets dark, we often just sit inside and listen to the people yelling and fighting outside.

No one is ever there to help me with my homework or even make sure that I do it. I hate going to school and it is such an unhappy place and is often flooded with sewage. A lot of the teachers get fired and we don’t even have enough supplies and books to learn how to read. This makes me think that school is not important. I don’t like to go to school and I do not think that I should have to because I will most likely get a job doing manual labor or working at a fast food restaurant.

After the people who picked up the garbage stopped coming, we just throw everything in the yard. It is disgusting and smells so bad, but it is just something that we have to live with. Sometimes big rats come into our yard where the garbage is and it makes me scared to go outside. The smell and toxins from the garbage and pollution even caused my sister to get a liver tumor, but my dad says that we don’t have enough money to do anything to help her. Our house is really small and me and all my siblings have to share two rooms. We usually don’t have anything to eat in our house either. I usually barely eat anything throughout the day and since my mom died we never have dinner because my dad is never home.

I wish that more people cared about us. I seems like everyone is trying to push us further and further away. I have a lot of hopes and dreams but none of them seem attainable. I don’t think that anyone believes in me and because of that I have a hard time believing in myself.